A scribe then approached and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” – Matthew 8:19-20
We should all be so eager to follow Jesus, to follow him anywhere and everywhere. If this is not our desire, then our discipleship will either fizzle out eventually, or morph into a shallow religious observance that is good at outward piety, but not so good at actually following and imitating Jesus. Even so, Jesus does not reciprocate the scribe’s enthusiasm. Jesus feels that the scribe’s outward eagerness is ultimately a bluff, even if the scribe himself doesn’t realize it. Being with Jesus anywhere and everywhere will present challenges that he cannot yet imagine. And for reasons Jesus only knows, he senses that the scribe’s roots of devotion do not run deep enough. The journey of discipleship begins with excitement, with the feeling that we have finally found the one who makes sense of our lives. “I will follow you anywhere and everywhere” sums up our feelings well. But, as Jesus wants the scribe to learn, there is more to the journey of discipleship than that.
In the 16th century, a writer who became known as Saint John of the Cross wrote a work of lasting spiritual significance called The Dark Night of the Soul. John describes what he calls the “spiritual road,” the life built on prayer. There are many stops along this road. It begins with a yearning, the joy of being drawn toward God. But because we’re human, some imperfections begin to reveal themselves. First comes pride – not an egregious arrogance, but a subtle pride, a sense of being happy with oneself and one’s spiritual accomplishments. Then comes discontent, an eagerness to always be reaching a new stage of spiritual development (thus neglecting to be grateful and present to God where God wants us). Then comes the judging of others who are not as spiritually enlightened as we believe ourselves to be. Then, envy, a resentment of the spiritual advancements our neighbor is making while we are not. Finally, “sloth” begins to set in, despairing about the lack of noticeable progress being made on the spiritual road. It feels like prayer isn’t working anymore, and it gets difficult to keep going, keep following. John calls this a “lack of sweetness.” The sweetness of prayer is what first set us along the spiritual road, but where is it now?
And so, we have finally arrived at the “dark night.” As difficult as it is, this is where the spiritual road must take us. “God weans them from sweetness and pleasure,” John says, “and give them dryness and darkness.” Everything that is sweet and gratifying about prayer must dry up and go dark, not because there was something wrong with the sweetness, or wrong with us, but because God must lead us into prayer that is for God’s sake, not sweetness’ sake. If you feel or have felt confused that prayer seems to be going unheard, you haven’t done anything wrong. Just the opposite: you have clung to God long enough that he has faithfully brought you into the dry and dark place where sweetness may be rare or gone, but God is with you, making you his own more and more.
If we persevere in prayer into and through the dark night of the soul, we lose the need for gratification and the need for Jesus to meet us where we are at. And without us even realizing it, God has delivered us into joy. Without realizing it, things like pride and judgment and envy begin to disappear from our lives. Yes, the journey of discipleship is often exciting, uplifting, and joyful. It makes us say things like, “I will follow you wherever you go!” But Jesus assures us that he is also leading us into that dark night. And it is nothing short of a gift. In the dryness and darkness of that night, Jesus keeps us close and makes us like him.